My two elder sons, who are 4 and 3 years old, have an obscene amount of toys bought by well-meaning relatives, Godparents and friends. Most of the toys lie unused in the corner of the playroom (which used to be our dining room; guests now eat in the kitchen as a consequence) and are only brought out at the firm suggestion of their mother or father.
Despite this, they are acutely aware of what belongs to whom. As with many children it would seem, “Mine!” was the first word the older boy learned. Mutual play with each other’s toys requires world cup standard refereeing; perhaps even more stringent than that since B and G are much more aware of the situation than FIFA refs recently seemed to be (Would that goal have made a difference? Surely professional sportsmen earning megabucks should be able to overcome such reversals?).
So, I was very pleased when a neighbour kindly brought a cake around for us to share recently and the boys excitedly brought it outside to the picnic table and began to carefully divide it up on the plate.
“That’s my piece,” said B as he drew the blunt knife through cake as precisely as a surgeon.
“Why it bigger then mine?” demanded G with justified indignation.
“Cos I’m bigger!” declared B.
“Not fair,” stated G keenly. That was true and I suggested they divide it equally. The negotiations began again; Paul McCartney’s divorce was settled more amicably and efficiently. Still, they were sharing and learning about the need to compromise so I hovered on the edge of intervening; like all parents I suppose, trying to maintain the balance between sorting problems and prematurely interfering.
Unfortunately, our dog has much less reticence about boundaries and plodded over to see what the fuss and sweet smell was about. The boys were so intent on ensuring they each had a fair deal they did not notice the big furry nose emerge between them and suddenly scoff the lot!
Monday, 9 August 2010
Thursday, 5 August 2010
Birthing Pains
I was asked to complete a questionnaire about my experiences of childbirth and include those thoughts here:
My greatest concern during the birth of our second and third sons was that the midwives we had did not really know what they were doing. They were both very inexperienced and spent most of their time filling in forms. Obviously, staff need experience to develop their skills but their was minimal supervision; both births were late evening or during the night. I read recently that infant death in childbirth was higher during out of hours deliveries and my personal experience would echo that concern.
The second birth was induced, like the first, and I told the midwife that my wife would respond quickly to the drip so she should time the procedure to ensure the anaesthetist was available. She ignored me and my consequently spent several hours in intense pain because she went quickly into labour but could not get the epidural. Then the foetal heart rate was oscillating from 50 to 300 and clearly he had the cord wrapped around his neck. The midwife ignored my concerns and carried on filling in forms. I became increasingly agitated, insisting that a consultant or senior midwife was brought but the prissy little bitch still ignored me. Her main concern was that I was being abusive. Eventually, the gynaecologist did turn up and immediately crashed my wife for a C-Section. In the end he was able to unwrap the chord and deliver normally.
During the third birth the young midwife could not find the cervix so was adamant that delivery was not imminent. I thought otherwise and constantly requested a second opinion and my wife was screaming for the anaesthetist again. This went on for a while. The young anaesthetist did come see and tried bluffing my wife that she was not ready to deliver. A while later the senior midwife on shift did turn up, examined my wife and felt my son's head! He was delivered without pain relief at all.
To summarise my concerns: Inexperienced staff need more and closer supervision and they should also listen to the concerns of the woman in labour and birthing partners.
My greatest concern during the birth of our second and third sons was that the midwives we had did not really know what they were doing. They were both very inexperienced and spent most of their time filling in forms. Obviously, staff need experience to develop their skills but their was minimal supervision; both births were late evening or during the night. I read recently that infant death in childbirth was higher during out of hours deliveries and my personal experience would echo that concern.
The second birth was induced, like the first, and I told the midwife that my wife would respond quickly to the drip so she should time the procedure to ensure the anaesthetist was available. She ignored me and my consequently spent several hours in intense pain because she went quickly into labour but could not get the epidural. Then the foetal heart rate was oscillating from 50 to 300 and clearly he had the cord wrapped around his neck. The midwife ignored my concerns and carried on filling in forms. I became increasingly agitated, insisting that a consultant or senior midwife was brought but the prissy little bitch still ignored me. Her main concern was that I was being abusive. Eventually, the gynaecologist did turn up and immediately crashed my wife for a C-Section. In the end he was able to unwrap the chord and deliver normally.
During the third birth the young midwife could not find the cervix so was adamant that delivery was not imminent. I thought otherwise and constantly requested a second opinion and my wife was screaming for the anaesthetist again. This went on for a while. The young anaesthetist did come see and tried bluffing my wife that she was not ready to deliver. A while later the senior midwife on shift did turn up, examined my wife and felt my son's head! He was delivered without pain relief at all.
To summarise my concerns: Inexperienced staff need more and closer supervision and they should also listen to the concerns of the woman in labour and birthing partners.
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